i am the bearer of three tattoos. each of which are bookmarks of a particular chapter in my life. my first one i got about four years ago. the chinese symbol for joy decorates my left foot.
this chapter of my life had pages filled with confusion, heartache and disappointment. life had thrown some hard times my way and i had some very huge decisions to make.
my ability to 'run the race' was under threat. i had people openly and deliberately attack my 'ministry' to the point where i was second guessing the path i was on. only days after this initial assault, a huge disappointment entered my life when i heard that i wasn't going to be considered for a position i thought was the next logical step. i was now third, fourth and fifth guessing this journey.
throughout this time i was enjoying a friendship with a special someone and was thinking perhaps it was the beginning of my love story. but it was at bible college, when my lecturer was teaching on the book of mark and speaking to us about the story of the rich young ruler, that i was presented with yet another big decision. my lecturer related the story of the ruler to us and said that it was his dependence and desire for his wealth and worldly possessions that held him back from following Jesus - when the push came to shove, the ruler couldn't part with it, the cost of discipleship was too pricey for him. it was here that my lecturer threw out the question to us "so what's holding you back from following Jesus?". instantly, this 'relationship' came to my mind and it was there, that God challenged me..."is it him or Me?".
i can't remember much else of that particular lecture and i soon found myself sitting with my mum trying to process this, and after many tears, words and prayer, i knew what i needed to do...i had to walk away from this relationship. it's funny how easy it was for me to write that just now, but the actual outworking of this decision was completely heart breaking. but the beauty of it is that as i was walking away from him i was running to God, and as my mum said, as she comforted my broken heart, "the sun is going to rise in the morning", and it did. the days that followed, God allowed me a beautiful insight and clarity into His calling on my life and cemented the rightness in this decision and started piecing together my heart.
around this time, my mum and i went to hear a lady speak at a conference and the topic of the message was joy. she focused on speaking about joy not being a feeling, it runs deeper than that. joy is having hope and peace in the valley journeys as much as we have in the mountaintop experiences. on our drive home, my mum said to me that as she was listening to the speaker she was thinking about how relevant what she said was for me. she said that despite all that had happened of late, my joy hadn't left, and quoted to me nehemiah 8 verse 10 "the joy of the LORD is your strength".
life's hardships can weaken us, but when the Creator steps in, His strength is all powerful and has victory against any fiery dart that is targeted for us. situations and circumstances found their way into my life, all of which were intended for my demise, but the joy of the LORD is, was and will forever be my strength, and my tattoo reminds me of this glorious truth.
my joy will never be robbed from me. it remains and i delight in it. and there's more to come...
signed -
this chapter of my life had pages filled with confusion, heartache and disappointment. life had thrown some hard times my way and i had some very huge decisions to make.
my ability to 'run the race' was under threat. i had people openly and deliberately attack my 'ministry' to the point where i was second guessing the path i was on. only days after this initial assault, a huge disappointment entered my life when i heard that i wasn't going to be considered for a position i thought was the next logical step. i was now third, fourth and fifth guessing this journey.
throughout this time i was enjoying a friendship with a special someone and was thinking perhaps it was the beginning of my love story. but it was at bible college, when my lecturer was teaching on the book of mark and speaking to us about the story of the rich young ruler, that i was presented with yet another big decision. my lecturer related the story of the ruler to us and said that it was his dependence and desire for his wealth and worldly possessions that held him back from following Jesus - when the push came to shove, the ruler couldn't part with it, the cost of discipleship was too pricey for him. it was here that my lecturer threw out the question to us "so what's holding you back from following Jesus?". instantly, this 'relationship' came to my mind and it was there, that God challenged me..."is it him or Me?".
i can't remember much else of that particular lecture and i soon found myself sitting with my mum trying to process this, and after many tears, words and prayer, i knew what i needed to do...i had to walk away from this relationship. it's funny how easy it was for me to write that just now, but the actual outworking of this decision was completely heart breaking. but the beauty of it is that as i was walking away from him i was running to God, and as my mum said, as she comforted my broken heart, "the sun is going to rise in the morning", and it did. the days that followed, God allowed me a beautiful insight and clarity into His calling on my life and cemented the rightness in this decision and started piecing together my heart.
around this time, my mum and i went to hear a lady speak at a conference and the topic of the message was joy. she focused on speaking about joy not being a feeling, it runs deeper than that. joy is having hope and peace in the valley journeys as much as we have in the mountaintop experiences. on our drive home, my mum said to me that as she was listening to the speaker she was thinking about how relevant what she said was for me. she said that despite all that had happened of late, my joy hadn't left, and quoted to me nehemiah 8 verse 10 "the joy of the LORD is your strength".
life's hardships can weaken us, but when the Creator steps in, His strength is all powerful and has victory against any fiery dart that is targeted for us. situations and circumstances found their way into my life, all of which were intended for my demise, but the joy of the LORD is, was and will forever be my strength, and my tattoo reminds me of this glorious truth.
my joy will never be robbed from me. it remains and i delight in it. and there's more to come...
signed -
~ the life delighter ~
And this is why you will always be magical to me. xoxo
ReplyDeleteLove you, F